Pre-gaming: Wild Wild West

Welcome to the Pac-10, the only conference that actually matters this season.

With things all but settled in all of the major conferences (and pretty much have been for weeks), we turn our attention to out own backyard where all hell has broken loose and we'll see the first non-USC BCS team since the Joey Harrington Years.

My former colleague, Bud Withers of The Seattle Times, breaks it down for you nicely, including the six-team-doomsday-scenario. This time of year, by the way, I FUCKING LOVE DOOMSDAY scenarios.

It's always fun and dandy until someone gets left out, and then they settle for the Holiday Bowl or Sun Bowl, which neither is a holiday or has a sunny outlook. Seriously, Stanford has had a great year, yet if things break wrong, the Cardinal could play in the Armed Forces Bowl. Seriously, the Armed Forces Bowl.

With a weak slate of games this week, the Pac-10 is really the the only thing that matters. What's gonna get shaken up this weekend?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."

Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Champions are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

None. Zero. Zilch. Thanks for scheduling Chattanooga, 'Bama.

None. Zero. Zilch. Thanks for scheduling Florida International, Gators.

No. 11 Oregon at Arizona, 8 p.m., ABC: Arizona has three losses. One came in a close game at then-good Iowa. The second came on a fluke interception against Washington. The third happened when the driving 'Cats made a bad penalty (only one forward pass per play, Nick Foles) and ultimately lost another close game. So Arizona is really 9-0 and in the BCS Title hunt.

Oh, and the winner of this game has the inside track to the Rose Bowl. Nothing on the line, though. Oregon 38, Arizona 31.

No. 10 Ohio State at Michigan, noon, ABC: It's not that this is a good game or anything, but rivalries are rivalries and this is one of the better ones. Ohio State will continue to play not to lose (until they realize that method is no good when they get slaughtered in Pasadena in January), while Michigan will play not to get Rich Rodriguez fired which could certainly happen if the Wolverines continue to play like the Raiders. Ohio State 6, Michigan 2.

No. 8 LSU at Mississippi, 3:30 p.m., CBS.
No. 16 Wisconsin at Northwestern, 3:30 p.m., Big 10 Network.
Oklahoma at Texas Tech, 12:30 p.m., TV?
Kansas at No. 3 Texas, 8 p.m., ABC.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Cuba Libre


2 oz. light rum
Juice of 1/2 lime
Coke

Pour lime juice into a highball glass over ice cubes. Add rum, fill with cola, stir, and serve.

I knew a guy once who ordered one of these and I think the bartender kicked his ass. Dude, this is a RUM AND COKE WITH A FUCKING LIME WEDGE! Call it what it is.

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"ajo@90løkL®Ac∞0#µ˜0a˚m.Aoaq" (Go out there and hit someone).

It's Safer than Crack:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Oregon State (-31.5) over Washington State. Time to start picking against WSU every week. Gotta get that Bet It Hard record healthy.

2009 Bet It Hard Record: 4-7

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Anyone on Washington State

It's hard work playing offensive football, but the object is to get the football from one end of the field to the other without giving the ball to the other team. Back to the basics, Cougs.

Heisman Watch:

1. Wrath
2. Greed
3. Envy
4. Gluttony

Coach whose ass is burning:

1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Al Groh, Virginia
3. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
4. Dan Hawkins, Colorado
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
6. Rich Rodriguez, Michigan
7. Ron Zook, Illinois

Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:

Florida's The Orange and the Blue

Fuck, how many more times are we going to hear this song? I'd say at least 20 just in the first quarter of the SEC Championship game.

Babe of the Week:

Jaime

Nice car...

Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).

College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!

Yankees vs. Canadiens: A case study in hate

The following is written by David Kamoe, a life-long sports fan whose sister is a close friend. David is an avid A's fan, wen to to high school with Drew Gooden and can't believe that Giants commentator Mike Krukow used to refer to the right-centerfield expanse at Pac Bell Park as "Finley Alley," referring to Steve Finley who remarkably wore a Giants uniform for a season. David will likely be stopping by these parts a few times a month, so treat him right. And no sister jokes.

The Yankees won their 27th Commissioner’s Trophy this fall. As an A’s fan, I am steaming hot mad. This seems to be the way of the MLB landscape where the top-moneyed teams buy up all the best free agents and those of us in small markets sit around and stew. Like this: I cannot express in enough words how completely awful it is that Alexander Emmanuel Rodriquez will receive an over-sized ring that he won’t wear next April. Stinks out loud it does.

Part of what makes the Yankees so awful or rather their fans so awful is that they’ve won now 27 World Series. They’ve been around since 1903 which makes them two years younger than the A’s franchise. (The A’s began in Philadelphia in 1901) They had “Murderer’s Row” and the “Bronx Zoo” and began poaching players from teams in full in the 1970’s. Some of it was other owners being cheap (Charlie Finley) and some of it was George Steinbrenner being a tyrant.

The latter is the leitmotif of the Yankees. Their infield includes the 252-million-dollar centaur, Mark Teixeria’s ugly mug, and Jeter. The pitching staff was created out of the ruins of the Indians and Blue Jays staffs (Sabathia and Burnett) and the rest of it is just old money.

By comparison, I offer the Montreal Canadiens. The most storied team in the history of the National Hockey, Les Canadiens have hoisted the Stanley Cup a total of 24 times since the inception of the NHL in 1918. Part of what made the Canadiens so dominant was that the NHL was a six-team league until 1967. In addition, there was a clause in the draft in the 60’s that allowed the Canadiens two picks in order to select French-Canadian born players.

Needless to say, the Canadiens won early and won often. Twice (the ’55-’56 season through the ’59-’60 season and ’75-’76 season through ’78-’79 season) the Habs won the Cup multiple times. These teams included a large collection of Hall of Fame players, coaches, and executives. The Canadiens are seen as the team to be against the NHL over. But the question is: Are they? I know that they were and are hated by Bruins fans. Ken Dryden’s great book The Game details how Dryden loved playing against the Bruins in the old Boston Garden because of the scope of the rivalry. I also know that the Habs are booed repeatedly by Leafs fans whenever they roll into Air Canada Centre.

The query that I have is: Who is more hated? Is it the Yankees with their entitled fan base, hyperventilating announcers, and disdain for long hair and beards? Or is it the Canadiens with the “bleu, blanc, et rouge” and the banners littering the rafters of the Bell Centre?

NFL's most disappointing teams

We're past the halfway mark of the season and we know that the Saints are good and the Browns could win their remaining games and STILL be the worst team to ever play tackle football.

But sports blogs don't care about good teams. The media -- or in this case, a blog -- likes champions or complete, utter fuckups...like the Browns. It's not very fun to talk about how the Saints' defense is vastly improved or Adrian Peterson could run for a 150-yard touchdown because he's THAT good. We want losers, underachievers and misery.

While the Browns are mind-fuckingly fucking awful, we all knew that they'd be mind-fuckingly fucking awful. Others who have already thrown in the towel in 2009 weren't expecting such bad things.

Some teams that come to mind:

-Buffalo (3-6)
-Washington (3-6)
-Tennessee (3-6)
-Seattle (3-6)
-Chicago (4-5)
-Baltimore (5-4; two wins are over the Browns which don't count. Another is over the Chiefs which also doesn't count. So the Ravens are actually 2-4).

Somehow we feel that Chicago might be the most disappointing of all. The Bears were 9-7 last season, just missed the playoffs and did all of this with Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman at QB who don't count as real people. So they go out and get Jay Cutler who's good for throwing some touchdowns, nearly as many interceptions and being equally cocky doing both.

The Ravens, AFC Championship game contestants last season, have only two wins that matter (San Diego and Denver) and are in danger of missing the playoffs in the brutal AFC. The upcoming schedule doesn't help: Indy, two with the Steelers, Chicago and at Green Bay. They lose three of those and they'd be in real trouble.

Your most disappointing teams? Do tell in the comments...

Nothing says college basketball 2009 like a 6 a.m. tip-off between Monmouth and St. Peter's

By the time you read this, ESPN will be about eight hours into their second annual College Hoops Tip-Off Marathon, a 24-hour NCAA basketball showcase featuring 12 live games.

Included is an 11 p.m. contest between San Diego St. and St. Mary's and the aforementioned 6 a.m. call time for Monmouth and St. Peter's. We can't imagine the players and coaches are too thrilled about playing a game with real implications WHEN THEY SHOULD STILL BE SLEEPING , but the university is making the most of the opportunity to host ESPN on their campus and get a nationally-televised game.

The entire Saint Peter's College community is in countdown mode as in 18 hours ESPN will be on the Jersey City campus as the Saint Peter's College Peacocks take on the Monmouth University Hawks on Tuesday, November 17th at 6am as part of ESPN's 24 Hours of College Basketball Marathon.

The Department of Athletics along with the Peacock Nation Club have 12 hours of fun and basketball ready for all students, faculty, staff and alumni to look forward to leading up to the game.

All festivities will begin at 9pm on Monday night as the doors to The Bubble will open for students to participate in "All Nighter" activities. For a full list of events leading up to the game.

College is fun. All-nighters at the basketball gym will be a memorable experience. Perhaps the alumni will drop in for some hoops before going to work. No better way to start a day than with a Peacocks win!

Since this game is starting at 3 a.m. our time, we probably won't catch the action. But we'd greatly appreciate a final score update in the comments when we get up. Peacocks vs. Hawks: College basketball 2009 is on!

College Football uniforms

Watching plenty of Pac-10 action, we've probably seen more variations of the Oregon Ducks' uniform than actual games. Swear they change those fuckers at halftime.

While Oregon's uniforms are just awful -- really, horribly awful -- there are some FANTASTIC unis out there.

Some of our favorites:

-Texas' all whites
-Penn State
-Georgia's all blacks
-Washington's home (purple top, gold pants)
-Alabama

Are you the type to love the classics (USC, Ohio State, 'Bama)? Or do you go for the more new-wave, gimmicky outfit (Oregon, Georgia Tech, TCU come to mind)? Or perhaps something in between?

Your favorite -- and least favorite -- college football uniforms in the comment, please.

Jason Snelling scored a touchdown yesterday. We know that because of NFL RedZone, the coolest thing to happen to the NFL since the forward pass

We just ordered the Comcast sports package which is AWESOME! Five bucks a month for NFL Network, Big 10 Network, CBS College, a bunch of regional FSN channels, some other, less awesome channels and the newly-launched NFL RedZone, the coolest thing to happen to the NFL since the forward pass (which we told you in the headline but merits a second mention BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME!).

As the network's slogan says, viewers see "every touchdown from every game," hence the Jason Snelling touchdown from the Falcons-Panthers game. Scott Hanson, the network's host, acts as a facilitator, monitoring every game throughout the day and tapping in to the broadcast of the game -- or games. "Let's go double-box!" was about every third phrase out of Hanson's mouth -- with the most important play or drive.

There are no commercials and only highlights when every live game is at commercial. We probably saw less than five huddles all day; the network will take you to a different game after an incomplete pass, challenge, etc.

Our only knock on this football-viewing bonanza is that you miss the context of most games. You don't see many third-down plays, turnovers or long-yardage plays (like kick returns) since they aren't anticipated as being of interest.

But we're going to watch this every Sunday and never miss a touchdown ever again.

Also: The "network" airs for seven hours a week, from 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. on Sunday. We find that incredibly cool.

Morning Headlines: Colts 35, Patriots 34

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[Indianapolis-New England box score]

-Stover's kick lifts Colts over Pats

-New England 0-1 on 4th downs in road loss

-Addai, Colts gallop over Pats

That was a fantastic game and a very ballsy -- and puzzling -- decision to go for it on 4th-and-2 from New England's own 28. They punt the ball they probably win. But they were playing to win the game. Gotta like that, but maybe not in that situation. Wow. New England dominated that game.

Pre-gaming: The Miserable Life of the Collegiate Kicker

No one aspires to be a place kicker. You don't hear of kids who want to be kickers. Not even the kids who are always kicking balls want to be kickers. Everyone wants to be a quarterback, wide receiver or running back. NOBODY WANTS TO BE A FUCKING KICKER!

The kids who like kicking things play soccer only to learn later that nobody likes soccer. Even then they don't want to be kickers.

But every team needs a kicker and that's why you see guys on the sidelines with frosted tips and faux hawks.

And, fittingly, the kicker is either set up to be the goat or the hero. It's either hitting the game-winner or missing as time expires and you have reactions like the guy above. And then, at practice on Monday when you go to high-five the All-America linebacker, he tells you to go fuck yourself because you're just the kicker. (Frankly, had you hit the game-winner, you'd probably get the same reaction).

Agh, the kicker. At least the average guy can do it.

Who's going to be making -- or missing -- game-winners this weekend?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."

Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Champions are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU, 7:30 p.m., Versus?: I get feelings about games from time to time and I really feel that this one is going to be fucking epic. I get wood for the Mountain West and if TCU wins this game, you seriously have to start considering them for the BCS Title game. Fuck Texas. They haven't beaten anyone. Get the popcorn and 24-pack. This one should be fun. TCU 20, Utah 17.

No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State, 3:30 p.m., ABC: I would have made this a four-bunny game if I didn't hate the Big 10 so fucking much. Ohio State 30, Iowa 17.

No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati, Friday, 8 p.m., ESPN 2: Bill Stewart would be a fantastic grandfather. He just seems to friendly that he'll be happy to put you on his lap and read you Goodnight Moon. He is quite the opposite of former Mountaineers coach Rich Rodriguez who fell more in line with the abusive uncle. Cincinnati 31, West Virginia 21.

Stanford at No. 9 USC, 3:30 p.m., FSN?: Jim Harbaugh could get his players to go rob a bank. He's that good. USC 16, Stanford 14.

No 1. Florida at South Carolina, 3:30 p.m., CBS: I think the story line for this game is going to revolve around how two experienced quarterbacks lead their respective teams. Nothing about the coaches. Florida 24, South Carolina 18.

Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh, 8 p.m., ABC: Any chance you have to watch the Irish lose is a day where the sun shines brighter. Pitt 28, Notre Dame 27.

Tennessee at Mississippi, noon, CBS.
Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State, 8 p.m., ABC.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Simpler Times Lager


1. Any beer called "Simpler Times" is a winner in my book.
2. This beer is 6.2%. That's nearly malted.
3. This is the Trader Joe's equivalent of Budweiser.
4. TJ's is awesome. They are like the cool new kid of grocery stores and they always have cute girls working there. And have fucking great chicken andouille sausage for $4.
5. This beer is A LOT better than Bud, in that it has actual taste and is made from actual ingredients and not just water and excessive advertising.

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"wmπnl˜µnz!90;¬am¶˚-1mx-1!er0-#%lQkl" (Don't stop until you hear the whistle).

It's Safer than Crack:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Georgia Tech (-12.5) over Duke. Let's not forget that while Duke is not the same awful, horrible, disgustingly bad Duke team this season, the Ramblin' Wreck is capable of rushing for 500 yards.

2009 Bet It Hard Record: 3-7

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

C.J. Gable, RB, USC

Now this just doesn't make sense: Gable comes into the season as the Trojans' most-experienced rusher and then Stafon Johnson gets hurt clearing the way for more carries. Nonetheless, C.J., you have played in nine games and have 16 fucking carries! Touch the ball already!

Heisman Watch:

1. Darwinism
2. The guy who gets his heart ripped out in Temple of Doom. At least the guy had heart. ZING!
3. Tiramisu
4. Pearl Jam's Ten

Coach whose ass is burning:

1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
3. Mark Richt, Georgia?
4. Al Groh, Virginia

Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:

Ole Miss' From Dixie With Love

It's probably a good thing that this song has been banned. "The South will rise again?" Jeez. This isn't 1850!

Babe of the Week:

Brianna

That bathing suit must be comfortable.

Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).

College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!

Bracketology in November: love it!

It's never too early to get Joe Lunardi going. Who are we kidding? The man finishes work in March and then takes a five-month vacation. Livin' the life...

Nonetheless, most teams have played less than three games and we're already looking at seeds. Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan State and Texas all seem pretty safe as your November No. 1s. We love our Dawgs at a No. 3, getting a good draw with the Southland winner in Round 1 and a date with Tubby Smith's Gophers in the second round.

Perhaps our favorite part about these: the last four in and first four out!

Gonna be a lot of sweating for LSU (in) and some hanging heads for not getting that all-important Big East tournament victory (Marquette).

See the entire bracket in all of its glory here. College basketball, folks. Let's get excited!